Ode to Kitty

Yesterday, I was on my way home, when at the traffic signal, I caught sight of this tiny little kitten scampering between cars. Finally, it sat itself in the middle of the road just behind my car, mewing piteously. Miraculously, the car behind stopped. I told my driver to get out and fetch little kitty.

He knew better than to argue, I think, and so he got out and brought the little thing to me.

Kits looked around frantically, obviously terrified by the sudden change of scene. She fit quite easily in the palm of my hand, that's how tiny she was. She had the most enormous grey eyes, and her scraggly white fur had turned to grey too, owing to the smoke outside, I suppose. I found her quite fascinating and tried to take a picture on my phone, but she wouldn't sit still long enough for that.

Once home, I felt quite pleased with myself till my mother appeared and gave me a 'what were you thinking' sort of look. I explained that I couldn't just abandon the poor creature. Then she pointed out to me the existence of our two dogs, decidedly anti-feline, who were, at that very moment, showing far too much unhealthy interest in what was crouching on my palm.

I managed to shoo them away long enough to pour little kitty a saucer of milk. I tilted it so she could lap it up without too much effort. Satisfied, she sat back and took stock of her new surroundings. The barking from behind the closed doors made her shiver, so I stroked her behind her ears and tried to calm her down. The lady upstairs is a cat-lover, so I thought she might have some ideas on what was to be done with kits. Post-rescue operation, I'd run out of ideas myself, and mother made it absolutely clear that no kitten was going to survive for long at our house. Her views were greatly reinforced by the incessant barking and sniffing.

It's not very nice going from kitty-saver to kitty-abandoner. But alas, what was I to do? Kits was transferred to apartment no.5, and the dogs finally calmed down.

Now I'm no cat-lover, never have been and never will be. But the mere suggestion of vulnerability in any living thing arouses this life-saver instinct in me, without ever thinking about the consequences. And that's alright when it happens to be a little kitty, or a puppy, or even a baby anaconda. But when it comes to people, I'm not so sure.

I've come across so many people who put their own lives on hold, just to be there for someone else. That's very nice and good when you're part of a charitable organization, or providing emotional support for a friend who's going through a bad break-up. It's perfectly fine when someone takes time off to help someone else cope with the loss of a loved one.

But what happens when someone you love is draining you of energy you can ill-afford to give them? Where does one draw the line really?

I've seen it happen to other people. I never thought it would happen to me. But as the cliche goes, you never know how hard it is till it happens to you.

No, I'm not talking about little kitty anymore. I'm talking about me putting myself on hold to be there for someone else, because I loved them that much. But beware, love can be abused, without either party being aware of it even. You don't turn into an emotional doormat unless you lie yourself down before the other person and say to them-go ahead, wipe the dirt from the big bad world onto me, I can take it.

What I failed to realize was, that dirt doesn't just disappear. It weighs down on you for a long time afterward. It renders you helpless and scarred for a while. It's almost like going into a war-zone and expecting to return unscathed just because you weren't in the direct line of fire. And trying to be there for someone when you've reached that state, well, it's a bit like the blind leading the blind.

Sometimes, it's better to let go, be it a kitty or a person you love. The world is not so sentimental anymore, everybody moves on, and fast.

This morning, I saw kitty with a group of neighborhood cats. The lady upstairs has released her from safe custody. She really doesn't have the space or resources for another cat. But kitty doesn't seem to mind. She knows how to get around. All she needed was a ride out of traffic and a saucer of milk.